The Day I Confused “Fenster” With “Fernseher” While Ordering an Einbauküche
Date: 30 November 2025
Place: Berlin
By Konnektoren
If you ever want to experience true humiliation, don’t fall in love, don’t fail an exam —
go buy an Einbauküche in Germany.
I went to the kitchen shop for a simple consultation.
Just to check the price.
Just to ask some questions.
Just to pretend I’m an adult who understands “square meters” and “Spüle links oder rechts.”
Everything was in German, of course.
And then… the funniest tragedy happened.
The famous question: “Haben Sie ein Fenster in der Küche?”
The worker was very sweet, very professional, very German.
She asked me a hundred questions about my flat:
Maße?
Anschlüsse?
Raumhöhe?
Wo kommt der Kühlschrank hin?
I nodded confidently to everything even though my brain was in survival mode.
Then she asked the crucial question:
“Haben Sie ein Fenster in der Küche?”
(“Do you have a window in the kitchen?”)
But my brain — my beautiful, brave, multilingual brain — heard:
“Haben Sie ein Fernseher in der Küche?”
(“Do you have a TV in the kitchen?”)
And that’s when everything went downhill.
I proudly said: “No, I don’t have a Fenster.”
The woman froze for a second.
She looked confused.
I continued talking confidently, which made everything much worse.
I said:
“Nein, kein Fenster. Ich habe eine riesige Wand.”
(No window. I have a huge wall.)
Her eyebrows went up.
Then I added — VERY proudly:
“Und ich habe einen Beamer zu Hause. Ich projiziere alles an die Wand.”
(And I have a projector at home. I project everything on the wall.)
At this point I was basically bragging about how I replaced a WINDOW with a PROJECTOR.
Her eyes: getting bigger.
Her soul: leaving her body.
Her brain: “What is this woman talking about?”
And then… I made it even worse.
Because I said the following sentence:
“Ich projiziere manchmal Fische oder ein Kaminfeuer statt Fenster.”
(Sometimes I project fish or a fireplace instead of a window.)
THE WOMAN STOPPED BREATHING FOR A SECOND.
She stared at me like I just told her:
“Yeah, sometimes I project the moon instead of buying a lamp.”
Her eyes were literally the size of 2 Euro coins.
I swear she blinked in slow motion.
After five minutes of chaos… the truth came out.
She finally asked:
“…Meinen Sie wirklich Fenster?”
(Do you really mean window?)
And then it hit me.
FENSTER = window
FERNSEHER = TV
I mixed them.
I basically told this woman that:
I have no windows
I live in a cave
I use a projector to simulate nature
I’m proud of it
She was probably already imagining writing a report:
“Kundin lebt in einem dunklen Raum und projiziert Fische als Ersatz für Tageslicht.”
(Kundin = customer)
Moral of the story
German vocabulary can destroy your reputation.
“Fenster” and “Fernseher” are NOT the same.
Einbauküche Beratung = free comedy show.
I will never emotionally recover from this.
If you want to avoid mistakes like this (at least the language part 😅),
you can always learn German with:
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