The Day a Berlin Ticket Machine Completely Outplayed Me

Date: 30 November 2025
Place: Berlin
By Konnektoren

If there is one thing in Berlin that will humble you instantly, it’s not the weather, not the rent prices, not the U-Bahn delays…

…it’s the ticket machine.

Let me tell you how I got defeated by one in 3 minutes and 47 seconds.

---

It all started so peacefully.

I arrived at the station early (yes, EARLY — miracles happen).
I walked to the machine like a functional adult.
I pressed the screen gently, politely, like a civilized human.

The machine blinked at me like:

“Hmm. Not today.”

But I stayed optimistic.

---

**Step 1: Insert coins.

Step 2: Regret everything.**

I selected my ticket.
I put in my coins.

The machine swallowed them with confidence.
Like it was eating breakfast.

I waited for the ticket.

And waited.

And waited.

And then…

❌ “Zahlung fehlgeschlagen.”
Payment failed.

Ma’am?? Sir?? Machine??
WHY did you take the coins then???

It simply stared back at me like it was doing me a favour.

---

The man behind me offers wisdom

A German guy behind me does that classic Berlin cough of impatience.

He says:
“Vielleicht haben Sie falsch gedrückt.”
(“Maybe you pressed the wrong thing.”)

Yes, thank you, random stranger.
Clearly the machine is innocent and I am the problem.

But fine. I try again.

---

Round 2: The machine pretends I don’t exist

I press the screen again.
Nothing.

I press harder.
Nothing.

I press like I’m trying to wake someone who overslept.
Still nothing.

Then the German guy touches it once.
Instant reaction.

Wow.
Okay.
So the machine is selective.

---

The grand finale

I reselect the ticket.
I put in fresh coins (because apparently I like suffering).

The machine takes them.
ALL of them.

And then proudly displays:

❌ “Außer Betrieb.”
Out of service.

OUT OF SERVICE.
After happily eating my money.

At this point I’m convinced these machines have a sense of humour.

---

The BVG employee appears

I tell him my tragedy.
He nods, deeply unimpressed.

He says the standard Berlin spiritual advice:

“Ja, passiert. Geh zum nächsten Automaten.”
(“Yes, happens. Go to the next machine.”)

Thank you for this emotional support, sir.

---

The second machine works immediately. Of course.

I tap it gently.
It gives me the ticket instantly.
No drama.
No chaos.

I swear machines can smell fear.

---

If you want to avoid mistakes like mine — at least in German — you can always learn with:
👉 https://konnektoren.help/